Christmas and World Domination usually do not go well together, but when it comes to RISK, the greatest board game of all time, I think they go together like two birds of a feather. I picture them as two crotchety old birds who sport thick mustaches and musty green berets though, but if it helps… you can dress your imaginary birds anyway you like. Moving on.
For the past several months, my eldest son has been asking me and his mom to buy him Risk every time we went to Target. We took that to mean that he really wanted it. But since he is the first born and has already started displaying dictatorial tendencies, we thought it would be best to just hold off… at least until Santi-claus came to town. It was part of my battle strategy, and it worked big time. He didn’t have a clue what was about to hit him when he opened that present. The look on his face was priceless… I think I’ll remember it for the rest of my life.
Now explaining the game to a twelve year old, a ten year old, and a seven year old while trying to keep them from just wanting to start doing stuff… that was like wrestling three pumas in a pear tree. Not impossible, but difficult. I was able to hold them at bay long enough to refresh my memory on the rules and to send the youngest running away. Apparently, I had bored him to death 🙂 One down… two to go.
Once we each placed our troops on our respective territories and the first round of shots were fired, I began teaching the boys a little about strategies and tactical maneuvers. I also introduced them to proxy and psychological warfare. But you’re not a psychologist!, you say. I know, but trust me, you do not need a degree or a license to convince a ten-year-old to turn on his older brother. He willing started wiping his brother off the map, only leaving a single troop on each conquered country as he went. An enemy of my enemy is my friend, right? No… no, that’s terrible foreign policy, but it works swimmingly in Risk. The twelve-year-old puffed up like a blowfish and proceeded to declare extra war on me. I’ve never felt been more proud than in that moment. It didn’t do him any good, but I love that he lives life passionately.
After an hour or so, my middle kid went A.W.O.L. but the oldest and I pressed on. If you’ve ever played this game, you can attest that taking territory is way easier than keeping it. We went round and round and round. Bullet, bullet, gun, gun! (That’s a quote from the lego movie in case you didn’t know). In the short version of the game, the first person to control twenty five territories is the winner. So technically, I won. But… like an idiot… I refused to take my spoils and go home. I decided controlling most of the world was not enough and fought my way out of the winners circle and into the not winners circle. What a cotton-headed-ninny-muggins!
I guess the point of this story is this… if you really want to know how to take over the world on Christmas break… you should’t ask me.
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